So this morning I went on a girls brunch expedition to downtown LA. We went to a restaurant/pastry market called Bottega Louis. SO FUN! I love my girlfriends here. It's going to be super hard to leave them. I try not to think about it. This fun restaurant had so many pastries and desserts I had never dreamed of trying before, a feast for the eye. I almost didn't go because, well, we have no money to spend out, but my friend offered to share whatever she got so I agreed to come. There was no way that I could buy anything, I mean we're living off of $10 this next week, and as my friends started gawking over what they might get I started feeling left out. My anxiety built up and my eyes started to water, I quickly excused myself to the bathroom.
I know, I know, I'm ridiculous. I mean, my friend was going to treat me to a hot chocolate and there's no doubt I would get my belly's full worth of bites of everyone else's food. But I just needed a moment to feel bad. It's like months and months of financial frustration had built up and needed a little release. I had spent all this time being strong, clipping coupons, never buying clothing, cutting the family's hair, paying a full tithe, and not eating out. Don't get me wrong, we've been ever so blessed with fun stuff; our Disney passes, free movie tickets, free meals when family is in town. I just want every once in a while to treat myself, with my own money, and not feel a tinge of guilt because I'm having fun on someone else's dime.
I then realize I need to stop whining. My life is great and I'm out with a wonderful group of women and should be having fun. I swallowed the large lump in my throat and wiped my smudged mascara, waited for my eyes to return to normal color and then returned to the table. I had a great time! My heart and belly was full. :)
I so know how you feel! I've been there and have also been blessed by the generosity of others, which is one of the reasons I try to be generous as often as I can (another reason is because I'm related to Grandma Ev...can a person be related to Grandma Ev and not be generous in some way?). And I'm sure that when you and Jon are in a position to be generous with your money, you'll do the same.
ReplyDeleteI had a bit of a meltdown last night, myself. How to forgive someone that has hurt me oh so badly? Cried and cried!
Maybe this can give us both some hope when we're feeling down: Elder Christofferson said in the last conference, "If we sincerely desire and strive to measure up to the high expectations of our Heavenly Father, He will ensure that we receive all the help we need, whether it be comforting, strengthening or chastening."
Amen to what Aunt Ranee said.....Keep moving forward, you are strong. I'm glad you were able to have fun with your girlfriends, they really are treasures in our lives.
ReplyDeleteLove you so much Tara! You are an amazing and talented woman! Please don't despair, This is but a small time and you are excelling. Joy in the journey- except when you are having a really bad day then give me a call and we'll have a playdate! ;)
ReplyDeleteOh Tara- we love you so much! I know that feeling and it is painful. I feel so badly that I had no clue. I was just seeing Tara- looking darling with your hair and beauty and didn't stop to think for a moment about anything else. Love you and am SO glad you are here. Also, I really do believe that it gets better. I had a REALLY hard beginning of the year and now six months in, it is easier to look back and see that just putting one foot in front of the other leads to the Lord blessing us in unexpected ways. He has to be so pleased with you and your amazing devotion as a wife, mother, saint, and friend- I am so impressed with what you have pulled off. I do think you should teach classes. Love you so much Tara.
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