Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Ugh-a-lug

That's one big UGH. That's what I've been feeling lately. Depressed. In fact one night, while in bed I turned to Jon and told him I might want to talk to a counselor. I hate that a large percentage of my thoughts are "I wish I wasn't here," "I want out," "I'm done," and  "I give up." Almost nightly I end up locking myself in the bedroom after unsuccessfully trying to console a fussy baby. My patience is extremely thin and I end up snapping at my husband and toddler.
As I try to find the source of my frustration it's easy to blame it on the other adult in the house and think that it's his sport game watching and video game playing are to blame. But honestly, it's me. I need an overhaul emotionally and spiritually. Tips?
One a lighter note, my New Year's resolution this year was to save money.... and I'm rockin' it! Here are the ways I've recently made changes to our spending:
1. Couponing! I save at least 50% each time I go to the grocery store, which means I buy twice as much food as I used to. We're actually having to find creative places to store all our food.
2. Amazon.com diapers and wipes. With deals cheaper than Costco on brand name items and free two-day shipping.
3. Homemade laundry soap. It only cost me $10 to make 2 5-gal buckets of laundry soap.

9 comments:

  1. I've had a hard time with this weather, and Beth has been super fussy and needy the last few weeks. Life is never easy, and counseling can help. I read a really great poem today, I stole it off of Natalie Moon's blog to share with you.

    Don't Quit
    When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
    When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
    When the funds are low and the debts are high,
    And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
    When care is pressing you down a bit,
    Rest if you must, but don't you quit...
    Success is failure turned inside out.
    The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
    And you never can tell how close you are,
    It may be near when it seems so far,
    So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit.
    Its when things seem worst that you must not quit.
    -Author unknown

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  2. Your plate is overflowing with an 18 month old and a 4 1/2 month old. When your plate is overflowing, things most definitely will spill over. It's hard enough with just one youngin' and you've got two youngins. My suggestion to begin with is to get the natural drugs, endorphins, flowing through you with regular exercise of some sort, daily, 5-6 times a week, something to get your body moving, anything. Next, you and Jon decide on a specific time you both can spend a quite 1/2 hour together, reading scriptures for 10-20 minutes and then talking, total time, 1/2 hour, planned time together, not just whenever, but planned time. Those two things start right away, 1/2 hour moving and 1/2 hour scripture/talk time with Jon. And make sure you and Jon pray for guidance on counseling so that you are guided to someone who will help in all the right ways. Love you hun.

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  3. I'm sorry you've been feeling low, Tara. I'll definitely be praying for you. I think your Mom's advice is awesome. Aren't mom's the greatest? And hey! YOU'RE a mom! :) I love you, Tara.

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  4. Tara, I'm so sorry. Being home all day is hard. It really is. But look at all that you are accomplishing! You are saving A TON of money, you are raising two beautiful children, and heck- somewhere in there you even find time to make your own laundry soap! You definitely have MANY things that you should be patting yourself on the back for. I hope things get better for you. You should read, I am a Mother by Jane Clayson Johnson. It really picked me up when I was feeling the way you are.

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  5. I love everyone's advice! I completely agree with your mom, LOVE YOU LYNDA!! Excercise is one of those things that seems too simple to make a difference but REALLY does. It's amazing what just a 20 minute walk in fresh air to get your blood pumping can do to clear your mind. Do it, I promise it will make an immense difference.
    Also, I am in the process of reading the book your friend Natalie suggested, 'I am a Mother' and am loving it. It is beautifully written and simply clarifies the little seemingly little things that make motherhood worth all the while.
    Chin up! You are an WONDERFUL daughter of our immensely loving Father in Heaven who is more than willing to throw a blanket of love around you anytime you want!
    I love you ")

    Amanda

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  6. Tara, I'm so proud of you for saving all that money! You should do a tutorial on how to make laundry soap- I'd be all up on that!
    And I totally feel you on feeling depressed and wanting to blame it on the video games and sports. I am the EXACT same way. Only, I'm not as humble as you, and I still think that that is to blame! I don't have kids, but being stuck at home is just as miserable sometimes. I've come across several things that have made a difference in my life style. I asked a lot of people about what to do, and they all had different answers and opinions, and I may be a little hypocritical because I wanted help, but wasn't really digging any of the suggestions people gave me, and here I am giving YOU suggestions... haha!
    Kind of cliche, but you need some 'you' time, at least once a day even if only for a small amount of time. If scheduling and various situations don't allow for much time, use what you can get- take a bubble bath, go for a walk, take some photos just outside your door... etc. It will help, promise.
    Exercise is so essential. I am currently battling this one because I hate working out. I find no joy in, and I don't feel better after wards, but I know it's good for me not only physically but mentally.
    And, one more thing that I swear by, is take vitamin D... they have them in drops, chews, or pill form. It will help you feel happier and help your attitude... also I hear it has other health benefits.. :) Don't forget that Christ experienced all this for you... he knows what you are going through and he is always willing to help you out!

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  7. Dear Tara-

    All these comments have been so good. I don't have any more advice, just lots of love and a "I totally understand!". Thanks for teaching me your couponing genius!

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  8. I don't think I could contribute anything either, except to also recommend the exercise! It's helped me a lot before! I love you tara! You have always been such an amazing example to me and I always found you to be such a comfort to me during those hard times in college. Please call me if you ever need to vent!

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  9. Tara, we have met but I don't think you'd remember - I am in your ward. I was on Melissa Curtis' site and I saw your post. I just wanted to tell you that I had post-partum depression after both my kids were born - sometimes it just happens, but being far from family support makes you more vulnerable. It is more common than everyone thinks and sometimes goes away on its own, but if it goes on longer than 3 weeks or so it is important to see a professional. If you feel like it is more than you can cope with definitely talk to your doctor. Exercise and prayer are helpful too, of course. I just had to say something, but I'm sorry if I am intruding. Take care!

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