Utah: Where everyone suffers in silence and no one hangs out

*Warning: This is a rant. This is me spitting out my feelings. I'll feel better afterwards. I may even deny writing this post in the future, but for now... well, here it goes.

This being my second time living in Utah, I was hoping for a change from the last time. Here's two sad stories to illustrate the "Utah-syndrome" I first experienced back in 2005-2009.

1. Left at the altar. Well, actually, left at the reception is more accurate. My bridesmaids, my closest girlfriends, a.k.a. my roommates, decided to no-show at my wedding reception. Not only did they leave me bridesmaid-less, but one of them was in charge of all the flowers for the reception. This meant that after finally getting ahold of them an hour before the reception was supposed to start and finding out that they weren't coming, I, the bride, had to run to Costco and purchase random flowers, barely making it back in time to arrange the flowers and throw on my dress. My hair and makeup weren't even done, I had an everyday hair-do and NO MAKE UP on for my own wedding reception. Seriously, weddings are so commonplace here in Utah it's almost sad.

2. Throwing my own baby shower. Yup, you read right. For my first child, I had to throw my own shower, paying for everyone else to eat and chat and run. We were on Medicaid for goodness sake. I patiently waited until I was just weeks away from delivering for someone to offer to throw something, even if it were a sprinkle instead of a shower, I would have be so happy. Honestly, I threw it because I NEEDED the gifts. We couldn't afford everything on our baby list.

This time around, Utah Round #2, it hasn't changed much. Unless you have cancer, the ward, your neighbors, even your "friends" don't know your struggles. And your achievements, like having a baby, are commonplace. It's like it's engrained in the Utah culture to keep your problems to yourself and your immediate family. No showers, parties or even a frozen yogurt run were offered to me in celebration of my upcoming baby. I know, it's baby #3, and I don't need any gifts this time around, but aren't your "friends" and ward family supposed to want to celebrate with you? As members of the church aren't we supposed to be a shoulder to cry on, not just a name on a list to deliver a meal?

I miss living in LA where I have FAMILY. Of course I don't have biological family in LA, but I was surrounded by people who LOVED me. They spent time with me, performed services for me, and laughed and cried with me... never once putting their name on a sign-up list to do it. On the other hand, I was privileged to do the same thing for them... I cannot tell you how fulfilling it was to perform Christ-like service.

I know, I know, I was spoiled in LA... and I just need to suck it up here in Utah. Some of you may say "it's what you make of it" but honestly there's a tangible, real ugly difference here in Utah and it's going to be a challenge to break down that wall. Doesn't mean I won't continually try...

Nesting Too Early

 So today marks the beginning of my 34th week of pregnancy... and I'm sad to say that I'm completely ready for this baby to come. Sad, because this means that I am literally sitting around twiddling my thumbs at this point. I started the nesting process shortly after Christmas, when we found out we were having a boy, and now everything is done. Here's a recap of what I've done in the past 3 weeks:

Researched and purchased $400 in baby stuff on Amazon.com which included the following products that I highly recommend:

-Angelcare Monitor- more than just a sound baby monitor, it senses the baby breathing and sounds a chirp when there hasn't been movement for 20 seconds. This makes it A LOT easier for me to sleep at night since I'm such a light sleeper and would normally wake up to every little grunt that comes through on a regular monitor. Now I can just have the only sound coming from the monitor be the alarm. This also means that if our baby prefers to sleep on his stomach from day one, we're totally safe there.

-Rocker/Sleeper- An oldie but a goodie for us. We LOVED using this with Corryn, it meant that she could literally chill or sleep anywhere in the house. She loved to fall asleep next to the running dishwasher or in the bathroom while I was taking a shower. Plus it's inclined which helped with gas/reflux/congestion issues.
-Glow in the dark binkies- I was thinking about making my own with Corryn. I'm so glad that they're finally coming out with these. I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to search around for a binkine in the middle of the night.

-Cloth diapers- (Pictured in the armoire.) This was the biggest purchase by far, also the most researched. When I first heard of some of my friends switching to cloth diapering I pictured them soaking poop filled diapers in 5 gallon buckets and spraying them out with an attachment on the toilet- DISGUSTING! I was surprised to learn that I didn't have to do either of those things. I could literally take a dirty diaper, stick it in a garbage pail and then dump the contents of that pail straight into my washer and not touch a thing. I also pictured plastic pants and diaper pins- annoying and bulky. I was surprised to find that there are cloth diapers that pretty much look and function just like disposable. Here's to saving hundreds of dollars a month by not purchasing diapers and wipes!

That brings me to my next endeavor- sewing. I got a sewing machine from my hubby for Christmas and here's what I've whipped out so far:
-Wipes- I made over 100 flannel wipes. To use you just put them in a big ziploc and soak them with a homemade solution of water, rubbing alcohol, baby oil, and essential oil.
-Wraps- The hospital I delivered Corryn at gave us this thin flannel receiving blanket that was oddly shaped, perfect for wrapping a baby burrito. I loved using it in the beginning days because she wasn't old enough to wiggle her way out of it, it also wasn't bulky or covered in velcro, and I could use it as a nursing cover as well. Thin, flannel and perfect. Anyway, so I made two more of them out of boy fabric.

-Curtains- After we took the Christmas decorations down, I noticed just how naked our windows looked. I was wanting to use a fun bold print in our dining nook, so I found this fabric on clearance for 2.00 a yard. It's growing on me, a little too pink for my taste, but eh, who cares. I also made some Buzz Lightyear and Hello Kitty striped curtains for the kid's room. Hooray for no more pinned up blankets over their window.

-Church bag- I whipped this tote out in a morning and made it extra large and triple thick to handle multiple binders and table displays. I just accepted the calling as our ward Primary 2nd Counselor.

And my last endeavor- cleaning. Luckily, since I'm such a purger and keep my house extremely clean anyway (this is both a blessing and a curse), there wasn't a lot I needed to do in this area to get ready for the baby.
-Shampooed all the carpets
-Shampooed all the couches
-Sanitized all breast pump accessories
-Shampooed the van
-Reorganized and purged the toy room
-Washed, organized and put away all the baby clothes

As a family, we've also recently made a large change in our diet lately- the switch to whole foods. But that's for the next post...

Cell phone pictures

 I made the kids' Halloween costumes this year. Ethan's took HOURS but turned out just awesome! I made them super durable so he could wear it everyday around the house.

 These are both the same view from my bedroom window only 3 days apart. The weather sure changed fast here.

 The kids and I built our first snowman. I also finished re-finishing the frame I was given a long time ago. It now surrounds our favorite picture of Christ, beefing it up so it doesn't look so small above our fireplace.

On Veteran's Day I made jagerschnitzel,  the only German dish I know how to make. We were stationed in Germany when I was little and my dad was in the military.

This was taken just minutes after my kids got up one morning. Ethan is glued to his Buzz Lightyear toy and Corryn has found my high heels and is pushing a stroller full of random animals around the house.

Just yesterday there were 6 deer that passed thru our yard. We love living here!!!

I know, it's been forever...

 The past 6 weeks have been pretty packed. We settled into Utah life quickly, Ethan started preschool which he really enjoys. It's helping him overcome some shyness and he always singing a new song or working on a new poem.

 We've also been exploring the many many parks in our neighborhood. This digging toy is, of course, Ethan's favorite, he play with it the entire time.

 Sorry, I don't think some of these pictures are going to rotate for me for some reason.

 We've also gotten memberships to our local rec center and the kids love swimming there. Ethan was very hesitant at first, but now (after 2 or 3 more visits) he willingly goes down the big water slides.

 My mom came for a weekend and took us to a fun center complete with a rollerskating rink, arcade, and water slides. Corryn was in heaven with the music and lights show on the rink and danced her little booty the whole time.

 I also spent and week eating, breathing, and sleeping peaches. We harvested hundreds from our tree and I froze most of them.

 Yes, there are chickens and horses in our neighborhood. It's country living!

 We also spent a night in the backyard camping.

Alright, that's enough for one post. More to come...

Tour of the new place

I have to do it all again?

Yup, I'm pregnant. Crazy, I know. By the time this baby is born we will have been married not 5 years yet, had 3 kids and 2 major moves. Oi. I feel old and tired already. My hair is a wiry texture, my eyes have permanent dark circles, my stomach will forever have a muffin top, and will I never get enough sleep to feel energized. My patience runs thin, I find myself wanting an escape, and I find little joy in what I used to love doing. Not to mention my current pregnancy symptoms; I'm constantly nauseous, my chest aches, and my body screams for rest just from the daily chores of the day. Yeah, life is not real great right now. But such is the circle of life motherhood. In 7 months I'll be holding a beautiful baby in my arms... and whining about the pain of breastfeeding or the taxing hours of dealing with a fussy baby. Overall I've realized that motherhood, as beautiful as it is, is really quite ugly. It's super hard on your body and soul. But one day I'll be craving these early days again, right? Seriously? I'll wish for these days back?? The idea of ever feeling that way is hard to imagine right now.
But as hard as it all is.... my kids are still cute... and that makes it worth it.... barely.

Ah, 860 square feet.

 This is a picture of the house we're hoping to move to. It's in Herriman, Utah. It's 3X the size of our current place. It's has A YARD, a garage and laundry. As wonderful as this house looks (and believe me, I dream about it at night) I still get teary eyed thinking about the wonderful memories we've made in this tiny apartment.

I'm blogging in the middle of the day, while my children are awake. This is a big indication that I'm having an off day. I woke up this morning slightly grumpy (that's usual, I'm not a morning person) but then it all got worse when I weighed myself. Uggh. After abstaining from dairy, dessert, and most wheats for 3 days I had gained 3 pounds and had a horrible night of stomach cramps and trips to the bathroom. Okay, so that's not working. Jon said what was in my head, "Looks like dieting is not for you. If you want to lose weight, it's going to have to be through exercise." Big frown face. I hate exercise. I hate feeling my heart pound in my chest and feeling like I'm going to throw up when I run.

Not to mention, we are STILL waiting to here whether or not we are moving to UT. I know it's the final countdown until we finally know but I'm losing my patience...

And so today is an off day. But you wouldn't really be able to tell unless I told you so. I still showered, got dressed, got my children dressed and fed them breakfast and lunch. I put some laundry away and shampooed my couches. After nap time, I'll probably take my kids to the park and chase them down the slide and push them on the swing. I'll even make dinner, do a load of dishes, and bathe and cuddle with my babies. But under it all my heart is heavy. Oi.

THE POSITIVE WAY TO LOOK AT THINGS:
I weigh 150lbs.... that's actually pretty good. Considering that I was 135 when I got married, I've only gained 15lbs from two close together pregnancies and 4 years of marriage.
Jon's ready to move on from his current position, it's too stressful and not where he wants to be in his career. So even if UT falls through, we're going to move somewhere soon... hopefully.
My children are okay with staying home all morning. They're content to watch Toy Story multiple times so that I can try to distract myself with housework and blogging on days like this.

Dearest Children

 

Dearest Children,

Here's what you love as of late:
The game where Dad or I pretend we're asleep and you kiss our cheek to wake us up.
The "I'm gonna get you" game where we chase each other around the house.
To go around the table during meals, taking turns making funny faces.
To climb onto Mom and Dad's bed and strip off the pillows and blankets and jump.
To watch movies with pillows and blankets on the floor and cups full of popcorn and marshmallows.
To walk to the park, go to the beach, and play with friends.
To video chat with grandparents.
To dip your food in ketchup or ranch.
To sing songs. (Notice the rendition of I Love to See the Temple below)

Ethan:
You like to have me lay with you in bed and tell you a story. It's always the same story about how you help Juan, our garbage man, collect all the garbage from all the dumpsters and drive the garbage truck to a landfill. Afterwards to go out to ice cream with Juan.
You like to go to ward choir with me every Sunday morning. You still quietly playing with a toy and don't sing but then on the way home you sing all the songs you just heard, including the warm ups.
You're still very obsessed with your garbage truck toys and often ask me to fix or adjust them.
You recently started showing interest in your toy computer, quickly mastering the "find this number/letter" games, you're so smart!
You have a love hate relationship with the carwash, always asking to go to it but then chickening out when we do.
You know where the bananas, eggs, and milk are located in the store.
Every once in a while you will give an unanticipated hug or kiss and it makes my day.

Corryn:
You're words are many but difficult to understand. You try so hard to say what your brother is saying.
You love to choose your clothes everyday.
You love to play with your babies, laying them down on a blanket spread out on the floor. You will go around smoothing out the blanket until it's perfect.
You're very physically confident, already climbing up ladders and swinging on the big girl swing at the playground.
You can do the splits and jump super high, you're going to be a great gymnast.
You love to have books read to you.
You love to call Nana, Tausha, and Nay... asking several times a day.
You're a great sharer, always willing to give someone you food or toys.

I LOVE YOU,
MOM.

New Diggs

Like the makeover? I'm head over heals for the grey/mustard yellow fad. I've always loved ugly colors like mustard yellow. You think puke green will make an appearance? That's my all time fav color.

Speaking of new diggs, we're still waiting to hear about our possible move to Utah. I'm excited to move into a larger/nicer place for less money... I've been searching the ads daily and making a ever updated short list. Patience....

And just because every post needs a couple cute pics of the kids, here's Corryn.